


When You Find You

by impossiblepluto



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, Episode: s02e23 MacGyver + MacGyver, Fluff and Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 12:28:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16118450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impossiblepluto/pseuds/impossiblepluto
Summary: A conversation on the deck after Mac quits the Phoenix





	When You Find You

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been sitting on my computer for two months. I use the term story generously. It was one paragraph that I completely scrapped. I was bummed because I knew what I wanted to say, and I wanted to say it before the season 3 premiere but the words wouldn't come. Until I was driving home from work and "Come Back to Me" by David Cook came on and the story wrote itself. 
> 
> It's not James MacGyver friendly. I just can't forgive a man who walks out on his kids.

The house was completely dark when Jack pulled up. He turned off the ignition and sighed, a combination of frustration over the events of the last few weeks and particularly the last few days, and worry. Worry for the headspace he'd find Mac in, if he found Mac. He'd tried to give the man a little space since he quit the Phoenix just a few hours ago, but now he worried that move was a mistake. Mac was either sitting alone, in the dark, with his thoughts, or he'd done what he'd threatened to do and took off. Jack just hoped he'd at least left a note.

Jack approached the front door cautiously. There was always a third option that the house was dark and it was a trap, his training and experience warned him. But the way the last few days had gone he hoped that fate or karma or the powers that be would give them all a break.

Still, he eased open the door and slide inside, blending with the shadows and absolutely silent until he knew what he was walking into. He knew this house almost better than his own, and slipped through the darkness. The only sound his own heart thudding in his ears.

Once he spotted Mac standing on the deck he purposefully rattled his way through the kitchen to announce his presence, snagging a couple of beers from the fridge on the way out to the deck. There wasn't a fire lit, and Mac hadn't moved, just staring out at the cityscape, since Jack arrived. And who knew for how long before that.

Jack set one of the beers on the railing next to Mac before turning and leaning on the rail, facing the house. He took a swig from his own beer. Mac ignored him. Neither man said a word, but Jack could be a patient man when he needed to be. And when Mac needed time to work things out in his head before voicing his thoughts, Jack could put a monk's patience and silence to shame.

"I'm angry."

"You have a right to be."

"I'm really angry."

Jack nodded and took another sip.

Mac reached over and picked up his beer, holding it in his hand, watching the condensation drip patterns against the glass. "He just left."

Jack nodded again. He didn't say anything, didn't trust himself to. This situation with Mac's dad was worse than he ever imagined it would be.

"On my birthday." Mac turned and leaned against the railing next to Jack. "I was ten. God, that was so long ago." Mac bit back a bitter laugh and took a pull from his beer. "I mean, he'd kind of checked out a long time before, but leaving, that really… messed with me, for a long time." Mac stared ahead, purposefully not looking at Jack. It was a rare vulnerability Mac was showing tonight, and Jack felt like this was the most dangerous mine field he'd ever crossed.

"You know that's on him right?" Jack asked quietly.

Mac huffed. "Yeah, I guess."

"I'm serious, man." Jack said turning to face Mac, who continued staring at the floorboards. "You said it, you were a kid. He made a choice to become a parent. He doesn't get to walk out just because it gets hard."

Mac gave a noncommittal shrug.

"Did you get to talk with him? Did he try to give you any explanation?" Jack's voice trailed off.

"He said it was too hard. Looking at me, after my mom died. That he was angry every time he looked at me. That he left to protect me from him."

Jack's brow furrowed, "Mac…" he questioned.

"He never hit me. But when he said that, I kind of remembered this moment, not long before he left. I'd forgotten about it, or repressed it. I'd been picking fights with him. He wasn't around much, but even when he was, it was like I wasn't even there. I just wanted something from him, any kind of reaction was better than being ignored. And even then, with me picking fights and saying some really terrible things, I barely even got a look. I don't even remember what I said this time, but he turned and took a step towards me," Mac glanced at Jack and saw the fire in his eyes and quickly continued. "I don't think he would have done anything. I mean, he didn't do anything, but I think there was a moment where he could have."

Jack turned and gripped the railing with both hands, breathing deeply and mentally counting to ten, mentally telling himself he would not murder Oversight.

Mac rambled on, trying to calm Jack. "I had a mouth on me at that age--"

"I don't care," Jack said turning to face Mac again. "You were a child. He was an adult with the emotional maturity to handle whatever a hurting ten year old kid could throw at him. I don't care what you said to him."

"Mac, I'm sorry I pushed so hard for you to find him, to make amends." Mac tried to interrupt. "No, let me finish. I was projecting my own situation with my dad onto you and your... father. We'd had a knock down drag out fight, that almost came to blows, when I left. We both said a lot of things we didn't mean. I was young and arrogant and he was old and stubborn and neither of us wanted to make the first move to admit we were wrong. We eventually worked it out, but then he got sick and he died not long after. And I regretted how long I let our argument go on, and how much time I missed out on with him. And I tried to compare my situation with yours." Jack paused. "There's a difference. My pop and I, we were on equal ground. I was an adult, and we both were at fault. But Mac, you were a kid. You were hurting. You lost your mom. And I'll try to cut him some slack because he lost your mom too, but he what he did was abuse and neglect and eventually abandonment, and none of that is your fault. And there is nothing that you could do or say that would give him any right to treat you like that." 

Jack swallowed hard, his emotions were running hot. He paused for a moment, trying to decide how honest he wanted to be in this moment. How honest Mac needed him to be. Then he plunged ahead.

"I guess, also, I didn't want you to think I was discouraging you from finding your dad for an ulterior motive," Jack's accent thickened. "I didn't want you to think that I thought I had a right to claim that role in your life. I know we don't really talk like this, but I've come to think of you that way. You couldn't mean more to me if you were my own flesh and blood."

Jack swallowed the lump in his throat. In the dim light he could just make out Mac's glistening eyes. He threw one arm around Mac's neck and pulled him close into a rough side hug. The emotions on the porch starting to become too much for either of them to deal with right now. But neither of them moved from that position for a long time and Mac relaxed against him, his head resting lightly on Jack's shoulder.

"So," Jack reluctantly broke the silence. "What's next?" 

Mac gave a short laugh. "Another beer. Light a fire."

"Copy that," Jack said and moving in sync that comes from years of partnership and hanging out on that deck they started their respective tasks.

Settled in chairs next to the fire with a new cold beer for each other them, Mac spoke again. "I don't know what's next." Answering Jack's real question from before. "I can't stay here."

Jack felt the words like a dagger in his heart. Worried that Mac was running, maybe even running from him after his confession.

"Knowing everything in my life was orchestrated by him just makes me furious."

"I've been thinking about that, kid. I don't know if I buy it. Pushing you towards MIT, sure. But that only makes sense with your big brain. And maybe DXS since you were already making choices towards that life. But the army? EOD? Me, as his choice for you partner? That one alone has got to tell you that he's full of bull."

Mac smiled a real smile for the first time that evening. "That is the one I have the hardest time believing."

"You know it, brother. If he had enough pull to handpick your partner, you're saying I would have been his first choice?" Jack said incredulously.

"To be fair, he didn't say you were the first choice," Mac bantered back.

Jack put a hand to his chest in mock pain.

"But," Mac said, suddenly serious again. "there isn't anyone else that I'd want to have in that role or any other role in my life."

Jack felt like his breath was stolen from his lungs. He knew Mac didn't do vulnerable easily. After all this time, Jack didn't expect, didn't even really need the words. But, damn if it didn't feel good to hear them.

Mac continued. "Maybe he is exaggerating his influence, but it's made me question if I have anything in my life that's really mine. I just need to go away for a while. Figure out who I am, and what I want. Somewhere he can't touch."

"Any ideas where?"

"You know, I've never traveled just for me. It's been for the army or the Phoenix. I just want to see some of the world I've spent so long trying to save."

"I hear that," Jack said. He sighed before giving his blessing. "Go where you need to go, but I'm not letting you drop off the map. I'm going to need some regular check ins."

Mac laughed. "Of course."

"Nah, I'm serious. You miss one check in and I'm coming looking for you. And I'm not going to be all happy go lucky Jack if I have to come looking for you. I'm going to be going out of my damn mind if you drop off the grid. This, letting you go, is not gonna be easy for me."

"I know, Jack."

"Just, do me a favor. When you find you, come on back home."

"I promise."

**Author's Note:**

> So I'll let you go  
> I'll set you free  
> And when you see  
> What you need to see  
> When you find you  
> Come back to me
> 
> And I hope you find  
> Everything that you need  
> I'll be right here  
> Waiting to see  
> When you find you  
> Come back to me  
> -David Cook


End file.
